13 years and still walking the minefield

I've been step-momming for 13 years. For a while, I thought I was doing a good job. That I was possibly even appreciated and loved by my s'kidlings.

Then I discovered I was quite delusional. And that I was just the interloper.

Then I was informed that I was loved and appreciated.

Then, it turns out, the kids were talking about me behind my back, blaming me for all that ails them and their world.

Then I was shocked to find that perhaps that wasn't the case but bad information.

At this point I have no idea exactly where I stand or which direction to step, but it turns out this is a familiar feeling. I recognize it because I've realized this is how I've felt since the day I got married and became the s'children's primary care-giver.

The one thing I do know is this: As a stepmom you are in the worst of all situations. You can be both too involved, and not involved enough. If someone decides you're too involved, you're trying to take their mom's place. If you're not involved enough, you don't care for them like you care for your own (or your dog/cat, whatever the case may be.) You can love the kids too much, and not love them enough. You can assert yourself in family situations and 'overstep your boundaries' or you can detach for your own emotional well-being and be accused of being cold and emotionally deserting the s'kids.

Whichever way you turn, as a step-mom, you are sure to fail. Not 100%, but at least one participant will see your actions, no mater how well-intentioned they are, as inappropriate and wrong.

Living as a failure for 13 years it tough and has me questioning, is is possible for a step-mom to EVER get it right?

That's what I'll be discussing here. If you want to weigh in with thoughts, opinions, and experiences, feel free.

However -- you are NOT welcome to criticize stepmoms who are just trying to do their best, trying to play the part they've been cast in without a script or any idea what the director and producer have in mind.